I want to live in Mayberry

You remember Mayberry. I'd like to live in a place where you just have to worry about the silly antics of Barney Fife and eat Aunt Bee's pies. Sometime in the wee hours of the morning someone broke into our garage and spent some time rifling through my van. As smart and intelligent as yours truly is, I left my purse in my car. Gone is my cell phone, credit cards, debit card, checkbook, drivers license and so on. They didn't take my entire purse, just all the cards and a few miscellaneous items. I'm not sure what the thief is going to do with my pleasant grove library card, my weight watchers membership, and two packs of gum, I told the police that that their suspect pool should include overweight bookworms with minty fresh breath. I have spent my morning talking to the police, visiting my bank, and calling and cancelling everything in my name. I feel naked now, no id, no credit cards, no bank cards or checks....nada. I went to the bank and they wanted proof of id, to open a new account. I was wondering if they actually listened to the reason I wanted a new bank account. I'm thinking probably not. Perhaps the saddest loss is Mark's birthday bike. He told me several times, "mom, why did they have to take a little boy's bike, it was just a little boys." It broke my heart, especially after his generosity with his sister when he won a bike at school. But not once today did I hear from him that he wished he didn't trade in that bike for Cass so he'd still have one to ride, not even once. He just brought me a few dollar bills and a lot of change that he had been saving and asked if it was enough for another one. So after today, I'm ready for a black and white life in a quiet little town where the only criminals is the town drunk who locks himself up in the county jail.