Impressions

I often post the silly and the trivial on this site. A lot of it is because I enjoy writing, even though I don't have any deep talent for it and the lighthearted is easier to express than the serious. It is also more forgiving and you don't have to be as honest and vulnerable. I have a wonderful friend who posted a personal poem on her blog that touched me deeply and I wanted to take a minute and write my feelings that this topic brought to mind. Feelings about those who I love the most and as such, those who I can hurt the most with what I say.

To Ryan, my oldest child, although he left the child stage long ago. I am so in awe of you. Your talents and strengths and abilities far surpass mine at such a young age and in many cases even now. You have never acted your age, always years beyond. I come down hard on you so many times because I forget your youth and treat you as an adult when you are striving so hard to become one. I love your scientific mind that absorbs facts like a sponge. I am proud of you and your dedication and hard work in school, with your friends, work and all you do. You will go so far in this life and in the one to come and I need to be better at telling you all the good you do. I love how close you are to your Heavenly Father and your Savior. You are such an example to me and your family. You come across so tough and yet have a tender side that finds such compassion in others.

To Josh, my ever increasing in stature child who lights up my life. I love your sense of humor and how you can make me laugh with just a look or a word. Sometimes I treat life too seriously and you have a way of bringing joy to moments that are too intense. You have the ability to change my perspective instantly. You have so many talents and I admire your engineering mind and the ability you have to make things work and figure things out. You are like your grandpa that way. I love how at ease you are in social situations and the great friends you make at every turn. You have a gift of service and reach out to so many around you without ever being asked. Thank you for having a heart as big as your shoe size.

To Cassie, my sweet and only girl. I love your smile. You can melt hearts with it. I love your talents with younger children, how you reach out to them and entertain them for hours with your time. You make them feel important and I love it when all the little children in the neighborhood, and your little cousins look to you for attention and you give it to them so willingly. I love the girl times we share, I love to shop, do nails and girl talk time with you. You have great leadership talent and I look forward to seeing what good things you can accomplish in your life by your example to those around you. Thank you for being a reminder of how sensitive and fragile feelings can be and teaching me to be aware of what I say and do.

To Mark, my baby and one who keeps growing up despite all my efforts to the contrary. I love your hugs and "love you mom's" They are given so freely and I never want to take them for granted because all to soon, they won't be as available. I love how your face lights up when I come into your classroom at school. I love how you've always been at the stage when mom's are cool and I hope that never changes. You have such an analytical mind and can find order in chaos. You get that from your wonderful father. I even appreciate the stubborn streak you are developing as you search to find your own way in our family. I want you to stay stubborn and unmoved in the good things in this life and no one will be able to sway you. Thank you for always needing me to tuck you in at night.

I have four incredible children and so often as a mom I use my words harshly and quickly. I think wonderful things about these great spirits entrusted to me, but as I reflect on what comes out of my mouth, the negatives often out numbers the positive. In my every seeking quest to teach and improve, I come across cutting and reproving too many times. I am learning that moms have the greatest influence not only to uplift but to tear down and how fragile and nurturing is a child's self worth. My precious children are my greatest treasure and yet so many times I forget to show them. I am working so hard to change this and wanted to take a minute to briefly state and focus on the things I love so much about each of them. I find I brag about them to others more often than I do to them personally.

I am humbled as my calling as a mother, and although I'm constantly in training and ever failing I am grateful that every day I get another chance to be the mother that they deserve. They are my best champions and forgive me so easily. I love them all so much.