practice makes perfect....

I remember as a teenager I was asked to play the piano to accompany a young women's choir number in church. I had been taking piano lessons for years and the song was fairly simple. I was scared to death, I hated to perform. I remember weeks of practicing the song over and over until I could play it in my sleep. However, on the day of the performance as I was sitting looking at this music, a strange thing happened. It was as if my fingers had lost their way and they had no connection to the notes in my head. I totally went into a deep freeze with no thaw in sight. I lost it. The musical number turned into an acapella number with a few wrong notes thrown in randomly from the piano. I was mortified and have never played in public since that day.

The phrase practice makes perfect is common but is it accurate? When most people say they have over seventeen years experience in something, you would think them a master. I have found the opposite is true in parenting, the more experience I have, the less I know. I have often said you receive more instructions and directions when you buy a toaster than when you bring a child into this world. And the toaster instructions come in five languages!! I struggle with just speaking English to my children, and on many days simply trying to put the right name to the right child proves a daunting task. I should have named them all the same name and then at least, I would have stood a chance.

I think Mother's Day last week brought this all to my mind. It's a hard time of year for me. All around me, there are stories of incredible mother's and on many days, all I see are my failings. I mean how many times can I teach a child that a clean room means you should be able to actually see the floor not just assume it's there. To scour a bathroom is more than picking up a towel and turning off the light. Maybe they are taking the faith family home evening lessons to seriously, sometimes it is important to see to believe. How many years does it take to understand that homework projects are best when not left until the night before; a kind word to a sibling should be the rule not the exception. I am failing on all these things!

I have incredible children, don't get me wrong. They came to earth perfect and then I came into the picture. :) What was Heavenly Father thinking? If I can't even play a piece on the piano, how does He expect me to cope with motherhood?

Motherhood keeps you humble. Just when you think you have something figured out with one child, you have another one who is completely different and it's back to the drawing board. Come on, really?

The one thing I do know is that despite all my mistakes and misgivings, I wouldn't trade being a mother for anything. What an incredible and frightening experience it is to be put in a situation where your sphere of influence has such lasting impact. I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who is the only instruction book I will ever need. What a blessing it is to know that I am not alone flailing in the darkness, that I can receive help and inspiration during the struggling times. I am in such awe of single mothers. I know many whose faith, hard work and diligence astounds me. I could not be a parent without my husband. He bails me out on those days when I feel I'm on a sinking ship and land is nowhere in sight.

Mostly, I am grateful to know that although this family choir of mine sings acapella some days, they still keep singing waiting patiently for me to refocus and hit a right note once in awhile.