What to blame?

Who or what can I lay blame to for losing my mind? I am not sure if it is because I have teenagers and they destroy brain cells, if it's old age, lack of sleep or it's just built into my genetic code but one thing is for sure, my mind is abandoning me at an every increasing pace. Here are just a few things I've been noticing:

I put the milk in the pantry and the cereal in the fridge (I only used to do this when I was pregnant, and no this isn't an announcement)

I drive on auto pilot and if I'm not concentrating on my destination, I will either end up in a school or Walmart parking lot. Not great if you are late for a doctor's appointment in Provo.

I have a purpose to go into a a certain room in my house and yet when I get there I have no idea why I am there to begin with.

One time I locked myself out of the house and had to call one of my children for the garage code.

And today, the newest item I can add to my list is that I shipped a package to myself. It was supposed to go to my sister in Las Vegas and instead I put her address as the return one and sent it to me. It arrived today! The sad part in this whole story is that I didn't realize it was the same package I had mailed until I opened it to see the contents!

If anyone has a solution to my situation, I am open to it. All of you are so on top of everything you should be able to give me lots of advice. Unfortunately I might forget it once you say it especially if I'm sitting in a Walmart parking lot.

Soccer Season

Well the 2009 season of soccer is finished. Mark and Cassidy both played and had a great time. I enjoyed watching them each play. Mark's team was so cute to see. What they didn't have in skill they made up for in enthusiasm. My favorite game was when they were playing a really good team that kept scoring on them. It was like 15-0. Towards the end of the game Mark's team finally had a score on the board....it just happened to have been made by an opposing team member when he got confused which goal was his. Mark's team didn't care how it got scored, they cheered, gave each other high fives; you would have thought they won a championship. Every time I see a picture of him playing soccer, I will remember that game, and the joy that came not from winning, but just in playing the game. (These pictures were great action shots taken by Kelly)

Cassidy had a great year. Their team made it all the way through the championships and lost in a tie breaker taking second place. They worked hard all throughout the season and also had trouble scoring. They were great at defense, but had trouble getting that ball into the net. They practiced each week for three hours and didn't give up. They finally found their stride as the playoffs started. She was so fun to watch, she never missed a practice and played hard in each game. Way to go Cass!! She even put up with her mom running down the sideline cheering like a maniac. Unfortunately we had technical difficulties on her game pictures, they were erased from the camera before they were uploaded. I will post her team one when we get it.

When life throws you a curve ball don't forget to duck!

Two weeks ago yesterday, I was decorating my house for fall, enjoying the routine of my children being back in school and thinking that everything was good. I happened to have a routine lab appointment for annual blood tests to check thyroid levels. The appointment was inadvertently booked with the doctor instead of just the lab tech. My doctor found a nodule on my thyroid, and sent me in for an ultrasound. A week later I was having needle biopsies on the three nodules the ultrasound found and on Tuesday night I received a phone call from my doctor with the diagnosis of thyroid cancer.

Talk about a whirlwind couple of weeks. Every step along the way I was reassured that the vast majority of these nodules are benign (90%) and that I had no risk factors for this type of cancer--so I was unprepared for the words the doctor spoke to me over the phone. All I heard was cancer and every other logical thought disappeared.

I had done some reading previously and I was aware of the stats on this type of cancer. I read it was highly curable, slow growing and if you had to have cancer, this wasn't a bad one to have. I have several friends who have been through this and I knew that years out from it they were fine and healthy. I also realized that there were so many people facing life threatening and crisis situations and compared to their struggles this was really insignificant. However, at that moment, sitting on the floor of my closet with the phone in my hand sobbing, the logical side of my brain was being left in the dust as the emotional side took over at breakneck speed. I was so sure this would be nothing... so sure in fact that I had not told my children of the earlier tests.

Kelly came home quickly and found me in my closet seclusion and held me while I cried over and over, "this was supposed to be nothing!" We had to quickly regroup because Mark's first pack meeting was in an hour and he was receiving an award, and Josh's court of honor followed that. After a quick but heart felt prayer, the miracle of make up and the comforting hand of my husband we were out the door and off to the church. An hour and a half later we held a family meeting and told the kids, reassuring them that despite the emotion, this was going to be fine. The tears were not proof of something terrible, but just surprise and concern. We knelt together as a family and Ryan gave an incredibly profound and moving prayer that I will always remember. A feeling of peace filled the room, and evidence of my many blessings began to fill my mind which evidence has only increased in the last few days.

I made a call to my sisters house to see if her husband could assist Kelly in giving me a blessing and before she even answered the phone, he saw our name on the caller ID and walked out the door, knowing the purpose of the call. How grateful I am for the priesthood and for those who honor it and can humbly and worthily step in to speak for God on this earth.

Another call went to Kelly's brother who is a doctor and one of the most compassionate people I know. He answered my questions, put up with my tears and got me an appointment with a ENT oncologist that is an expert in this area. The doctor had a cancellation and I was able to meet with him yesterday. He was so encouraging and immediately I knew I was in the best hands. He will be able to see me through everything and do my follow up visits for years to come. Having that continuity of care is such a relief to Kelly and I. The surgery to remove my thyroid and possibly lymph nodes is set for October 8th and is a relatively low risk surgery. I will only be in the hospital overnight. As for what is next, that will be determined after the surgery and what they find in the lymph nodes...regardless of what that result is, I will be fine.

I have felt the prayers that have been offered on my behalf. What else could explain the hysterics I found myself in two days ago and the peace I feel now. There is no other explanation. I know my Father in Heaven is not only aware of what is going on in my life but has sent a spirit of comfort to my heart, my mind and my home. I have seen His hand in so many ways the last couple of weeks, I am overwhelmed. The tears that fall now are more often than not, tears of gratitude. What a blessing it is to feel gratitude and peace and not sorrow and fear. These peaceful feelings are not coming because I am strong or from anything I do, they are coming from a loving Heavenly Father and an empathetic Savior.

Please forgive the personal post. This is my journal in a lot of ways, and I wanted to put down my feelings. I in no way want to make this seem more significant than it is. So many people deal with incredible things and I know I am fortunate. I wanted to record what has gone on over the past couple weeks so I will always remember that peace can come during trying situations.

Scouts

Tuesday night was a night full of scouting. Mark is now a cub scout and had his first pack meeting where he received his Bobcat award. I don't know that there was ever a boy so excited as he was. He looked so grown up in his uniform and I was proud to have yet another mother's pin on my ribbon. I am getting quite a collection!


Josh had a Court of Honor also on Tuesday night. He received 8 more merit badges. Earning his silver palm. I am glad he continues to work hard on merit badges even though he has received his Eagle. He wants to earn all 120 before he is 18 and if he puts his mind to something it typically happens.

The Hostage Negotiation

I have had one of those days recently when I feel part mom and part hostage negotiator. Last Friday Mark notices his new birthday toy in Cassie's bedroom and automatically jumps to the conclusion that she has stolen it. Soon the accusations begin and the words liar and thief echo down the hall. The door slams and severe pounding on the door occurs. Instead of giving the toy back to Mark and saying she didn't know how it got in her room, she takes offense at name calling and unjust accusations and shuts the door, promptly taking the toy hostage. Well Mark with growing certainty that this action is proof of guilt, decides to take matters into his own hands and begins to push open and insert his foot into the door to gain entry. Upon reaching the scene, I somewhat calmly asked Cass to return the toy at which point she remarks that I never take her side and dissolves in tears. She promptly thows the toy out into the hall, breaking it and slams the door to illustrate the injustice of the whole situation. Now I have two children in hysterics, one broken toy and a "how do I handle this situation" expression on my face.

They don't teach hostage negotiations in parenting classes. My only previous experience is with the laundry when it takes over the laundry room....usually I have more sucess in that arena; no emotions are involved and usually the only casualties are a few missing socks!

A Wonderful Day!

Yesterday my baby was baptized. Where have the last eight years gone? Moments like this remind me how precious life is and how quickly time passes. I just want it all to come to a screeching halt, but it isn't to be.


It was such a special day yesterday. Mark had asked Ryan to baptize him, and when I saw them both dressed in white I got tears in my eyes. Mark said the prayer before we left for the church and asked Heavenly Father to help Ryan remember the prayer so he could be the newest member of the church. Kelly did the confirmation and gave Mark a beautiful blessing. It was yet another reminder of what a wonderful man I married and another reason I have to be grateful.


We had so many family and friends attend, which helped make everything all the more memorable. How blessed we are to live near so many incredible people who have supported and helped us through the years. Primary teachers, home teachers, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, neighbors and friends all have played a part in Mark's life and it was amazing as I took a minute yesterday and reflected on the impact all these people have had in our lives. As a parent, you realize quickly that you can't do it alone, and that every positive experience and influence plays such a valuable role.


So thank you to everyone who came and helped make such a wonderful day memorable.