Lots of important battles have been won and lost throughout the ages. Some have been won through strategy, some by strength and some even by treachery. We have had a battle waging here for the last few months called the battle of wills. Typically this battle wages during the terrible two's and then reemerges during the teenage years. However, my 8 year old is proving it can be fought at anyplace, anytime and anywhere. Today the battleground happened to be the piano. That's right, the piano. How 20 minutes of practice time on Christmas songs for an upcoming recital can turn into an hour and a half battle of wills is anyone's guess.
With Mark the way he accomplishes anything is when he decides it's his idea in the first place. He can't be forced, coerced, reasoned with or even positively encouraged (bribed by grandma). Today I refused to engage in battle and that made him quite upset. It's one thing when you want things your way. It's another when someone won't let you have your way and it's a downright crime when that same someone won't argue with you about why you can't have your way. All I know is I'm secretly getting ready to wave the white flag of surrender.
I have tried everything. I have carefully explained expectations ahead of time, made cute charts and graphs complete with stickers. I have praised good progress. I have given him choices and consequences and nothing works. This is of course after I have tried the before mentioned coercion, reasoning, forcing and bribing (shh..I mean positive reinforcement).
Part of me is trying to look at this from a positive perspective. This stubborn streak he has can be a good thing if he chooses to not compromise with his standards and beliefs as he grows up. But right now choosing not to practice, clean his room, read or do homework (especially spelling) is what we are facing.
I am open to ideas. If you would like to write a best selling book or get a doctorate degree in conquering the battle of wills, I would happily lend you my son for research. Seriously, it would be so much easier if he wasn't so cute and I didn't love him so much. He was trying evasive maneuvers as he left the house to go to school this morning and I had to snag him in a huge bear hug whispering "I love you" in his ear. I don't think it made a dent in his protective armor, but I have to at least attempt to send him off knowing that even though the battle will continue later, I will love him before, during and after.
Now I'm exhausted. I need chocolate and a bubble bath, but I'll have to settle for the vacuum and the laundry.
With Mark the way he accomplishes anything is when he decides it's his idea in the first place. He can't be forced, coerced, reasoned with or even positively encouraged (bribed by grandma). Today I refused to engage in battle and that made him quite upset. It's one thing when you want things your way. It's another when someone won't let you have your way and it's a downright crime when that same someone won't argue with you about why you can't have your way. All I know is I'm secretly getting ready to wave the white flag of surrender.
I have tried everything. I have carefully explained expectations ahead of time, made cute charts and graphs complete with stickers. I have praised good progress. I have given him choices and consequences and nothing works. This is of course after I have tried the before mentioned coercion, reasoning, forcing and bribing (shh..I mean positive reinforcement).
Part of me is trying to look at this from a positive perspective. This stubborn streak he has can be a good thing if he chooses to not compromise with his standards and beliefs as he grows up. But right now choosing not to practice, clean his room, read or do homework (especially spelling) is what we are facing.
I am open to ideas. If you would like to write a best selling book or get a doctorate degree in conquering the battle of wills, I would happily lend you my son for research. Seriously, it would be so much easier if he wasn't so cute and I didn't love him so much. He was trying evasive maneuvers as he left the house to go to school this morning and I had to snag him in a huge bear hug whispering "I love you" in his ear. I don't think it made a dent in his protective armor, but I have to at least attempt to send him off knowing that even though the battle will continue later, I will love him before, during and after.
Now I'm exhausted. I need chocolate and a bubble bath, but I'll have to settle for the vacuum and the laundry.
3 comments:
Hummm. sounds like getting Cammie to practice. I know this might sound weird, but sometimes the best way to win is to let them fail. One year, Cammie would not practice her Christmas piece. I knew she wasn't ready for her recital, but performing was required. No ands if or buts about it. I let her go up there and make a total fool of herself. It wasn't just painful for her, believe me. We all suffered. She never was unprepared for a recital again after that. Tough love.
Don't give up Val. Just let Ryan & Josh talk to him about how awful the recital will be for him if hasn't learned his piece--They've had plenty of experience in that area! :) And, if he doesn't do well, don't worry, the whole thing will be over in ten minutes.
I am cracking up! I had this same battle with my mom over piano and I do the same with my own kids. I guess it is human nature. Loved the post! It was great.
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