Impressions

I often post the silly and the trivial on this site. A lot of it is because I enjoy writing, even though I don't have any deep talent for it and the lighthearted is easier to express than the serious. It is also more forgiving and you don't have to be as honest and vulnerable. I have a wonderful friend who posted a personal poem on her blog that touched me deeply and I wanted to take a minute and write my feelings that this topic brought to mind. Feelings about those who I love the most and as such, those who I can hurt the most with what I say.

To Ryan, my oldest child, although he left the child stage long ago. I am so in awe of you. Your talents and strengths and abilities far surpass mine at such a young age and in many cases even now. You have never acted your age, always years beyond. I come down hard on you so many times because I forget your youth and treat you as an adult when you are striving so hard to become one. I love your scientific mind that absorbs facts like a sponge. I am proud of you and your dedication and hard work in school, with your friends, work and all you do. You will go so far in this life and in the one to come and I need to be better at telling you all the good you do. I love how close you are to your Heavenly Father and your Savior. You are such an example to me and your family. You come across so tough and yet have a tender side that finds such compassion in others.

To Josh, my ever increasing in stature child who lights up my life. I love your sense of humor and how you can make me laugh with just a look or a word. Sometimes I treat life too seriously and you have a way of bringing joy to moments that are too intense. You have the ability to change my perspective instantly. You have so many talents and I admire your engineering mind and the ability you have to make things work and figure things out. You are like your grandpa that way. I love how at ease you are in social situations and the great friends you make at every turn. You have a gift of service and reach out to so many around you without ever being asked. Thank you for having a heart as big as your shoe size.

To Cassie, my sweet and only girl. I love your smile. You can melt hearts with it. I love your talents with younger children, how you reach out to them and entertain them for hours with your time. You make them feel important and I love it when all the little children in the neighborhood, and your little cousins look to you for attention and you give it to them so willingly. I love the girl times we share, I love to shop, do nails and girl talk time with you. You have great leadership talent and I look forward to seeing what good things you can accomplish in your life by your example to those around you. Thank you for being a reminder of how sensitive and fragile feelings can be and teaching me to be aware of what I say and do.

To Mark, my baby and one who keeps growing up despite all my efforts to the contrary. I love your hugs and "love you mom's" They are given so freely and I never want to take them for granted because all to soon, they won't be as available. I love how your face lights up when I come into your classroom at school. I love how you've always been at the stage when mom's are cool and I hope that never changes. You have such an analytical mind and can find order in chaos. You get that from your wonderful father. I even appreciate the stubborn streak you are developing as you search to find your own way in our family. I want you to stay stubborn and unmoved in the good things in this life and no one will be able to sway you. Thank you for always needing me to tuck you in at night.

I have four incredible children and so often as a mom I use my words harshly and quickly. I think wonderful things about these great spirits entrusted to me, but as I reflect on what comes out of my mouth, the negatives often out numbers the positive. In my every seeking quest to teach and improve, I come across cutting and reproving too many times. I am learning that moms have the greatest influence not only to uplift but to tear down and how fragile and nurturing is a child's self worth. My precious children are my greatest treasure and yet so many times I forget to show them. I am working so hard to change this and wanted to take a minute to briefly state and focus on the things I love so much about each of them. I find I brag about them to others more often than I do to them personally.

I am humbled as my calling as a mother, and although I'm constantly in training and ever failing I am grateful that every day I get another chance to be the mother that they deserve. They are my best champions and forgive me so easily. I love them all so much.

Help I need some modivation....

I wonder...

if I suspended a doughnut in front of my treadmill would I walk faster?

if I think positively about exercise, could my mind burn calories?

if surviving teenagers could be classified as a cardio activity.

if chewing cookies instead of inhaling them cancels out the caloric intake?

what would happen if celery tasted like chocolate?

if jackets and other camouflage clothing were invented for this season for a reason?

if a body automatically stores food to build up insulation for the winter?

why bears aren't thin if they hibernate all winter long?

if I spent as much time exercising as I do writing, would I lose weight?

Good News for the Future

Way too many posts lately have been about me! Enough of that! Ryan went to the Sadie Hawkins Dance last Saturday. They had a great group and had a lot of fun. When he got home that night, he told me about all that they had done and one story, in particular, touched me and I wanted to take the time to record it. So many times, we hear about negative events happening around us. We constantly worry about what the future will bring for our families and if our children will be strong enough to deal with what will surround them.

Saturday night the American Fork Marching Band was heading home by bus from an Idaho competition. As I'm sure many of you have heard, one of the buses flipped and there was a fatality and some injuries. News of the accident spread throughout the Pleasant Grove High School dance on Saturday. When Ryan's group heard, they all gathered together and went outside to find a quiet spot to pray for those who were involved in the accident. Little did Ryan know that his cousin was on that bus which flipped, and was fortunate to end up with just bumps and bruises. I was so impressed with Ryan's group and with one of the young women in his group that made the suggestion. I am grateful to know my son has such incredible friends and examples around him and that when something frightening happens, their first instinct is to turn to prayer. I know there might be uncertain times ahead, and sometimes the only stories which get published are about all the evil and negative things in the world. I wanted to take a minute to write about something positive which will never make the news, but which gives me hope that in unsettling times, the young women and men of today are not only prepared to weather the storms but to triumph over them.

WOW!

I am so spoiled! I have had so many people who have sent beautiful flowers, chocolate (totally love that!) dinners, notes, books, gift baskets.....and the list could go on and on. With the exception of the scar and stitches across my neck I would feel like I've been on vacation or that it's Christmas in October. I have not had to cook, clean, or do anything responsible for days (although on my pain meds I doubt I had the ability to do anything responsible anyway!) Kelly has been pampering me and taking care of everything. I love him so much, and couldn't go through this without him. Thanks to my wonderful sisters and cousin, who have brought meals in. I am enjoying the beautiful flower arrangements which brighten my mood everytime I look at them. I am truly overwhelmed and feel very inadequate to receive all this attention. I have been very selfish and on the receiving end of so much lately.

I am doing extremely well. My recovery has gone seamlessly and with the exception of when I glance in the mirror, I sometimes forget I had surgery just a few days ago. I still wish I had all of my energy back, but I am not on any painkillers and am so grateful for that. I go back to my surgeon on Thursday and get the stitches removed and the results of the pathology report. Then it will be meeting with a nuclear medicine doctor and scheduling my radiation. I am so grateful that even though this cancer has spread a bit, it still has an extremely good prognosis. Once I'm done being radioactive, and get my hormone levels regulated, I hope to just have to think about my cancer once a year during routine checkups. I am so fortunate.

So once again, thank all of you for everything! I pray one day I'll be able to return even a small portion of what I've been given.

Valorie's surgery is over. She is tired but recovering overnight at the hospital. She did well with the surgery. It looks like the tumor was malignant and has spread to some of the lymphnodes. Some nodes were removed during the surgery. She will need to have additional therapy to treat the spread. The doctor indicates that the prognosis is still good and is very curable. We are fortunate that she is doing well. Kelly

Gratitude

I am going to be heading out the door in a few minutes to go to the hospital for my surgery. I just wanted to take a few moments and say thank you. I was making a list of those I am going to send thank you cards to, and the list is over a page long. I have tears in my eyes, but they aren't from worry about today, they are truly tears of gratitude. I have so many incredible friends and family who have been there for me the past few weeks. Every time I seemed to struggle I would get a phone call, text or email from someone. The last few days have been the most stressful, and I can't tell you how much I have appreciated everyone who remembered that my surgery was coming and have called, dropped things off, sent me things in the mail or prayed for me and my family. I have felt the weight of this little speed bump in my life lifted so much. I have such a feeling of peace today and I know it is coming from my Heavenly Father, and all those who have prayed for me. I truly am so blessed and in awe of all that I have been given. I am so undeserving of all of these wonderful blessings, and yet so grateful. Thank you all again.

I will have Kelly post later today about the surgery and how things went.