I love my minivan. I know many mom's and especially dad's wouldn't be caught dead in one, but I am a minivan lover and sit proudly behind the wheel of this mom-mobile. Mine is a sandy dirt color, which works great for the biannual cleanings it receives. The windows at first seem to have a frosted glass appearance, but upon closer inspection, you'll find it's just hand prints on steroids. If I were ever in an emergency in my van, I'd be fine. The seventy-two hour food supply is already there. Just lift up any seat and you will have dehydrated french fries, chicken nuggets and even a stray m&m for dessert.
I am writing about my van today not because of any of the above reasons, but about a new talent it seems to have. My van has a sense of humor. On random occasions without any reason at all, my van will just honk. My hands can be no where near the horn and we will be driving along peacefully (well, as peacefully as a carpool of six elementary school boys can be) and suddenly it honks. My kids get a kick out of this, but it seems to always happen at inopportune moments.
One time I was sitting alone in a parking lot waiting for yet another carpool and a man walked by. He turned and looked at me upon hearing the horn and I wondered what I should do. Is their proper etiquette for this? What would Dear Abby say, smile and wave and pretend you are some crazy women trying to get attention? Or should you ignore it and pretend you have no idea who honked the horn (did I mention I'm the only car aournd?)
Another time, this happened in the drive through line when I was behind a very large truck with a large burly man at the wheel, placing his order. He stuck his head out the window and glared at me... the smiling and waving thing didn't seem to work so well that time. The worse instance occurred where I was stopped at a crosswalk and an elderly gentleman was walking across slowly with his cane. He looked startled at the rude noise emanating from my car. I felt awful. I rolled down my window and said sorry, but it didn't seem to be enough. Should I have tried to explain that it wasn't my fault, it was my car; I really was a nice person and loved older people or maybe try to see if he liked The Walt Disney movies about Herbie. I need some bumper sticker that explains the situation so I can just point to it and be on my way.
I don't know if any of you are Brian Regan fans, but he has a joke about a car with a similar problem. When I first heard it I thought, "Yes, I'm not alone!" So I just need to be behind him when my horn has a rebellious moment, and I won't have to explain. Someone will understand. (it's just the first couple minutes of this clip)
6 comments:
Go my favorite sports team. Go! Score a goal unit basket. Beat the opponent soundly in the skirmish. I was thinking Brian Reagan the whole time I was reading your post. Hope you can get more laughs than not.
Val, that is so funny about your horn. I'm so glad you have such a great sense of humor too. I would be so embarrassed and upset that I would think I need a new car. Good luck with your van.
Love my minivan too! Your horn story reminded me of a guy I worked with who wired a guy's horn to his brakes for April Fool's Day. So every time he braked, his horn honked! Pretty funny stuff!
That is crazy. Do you think they can fix it before they old man knocks you over the head with his cane?
Thanks for another great laugh!
So funny, Val! I didn't stop laughing your entire entry. Will you please write a book! I guarantee it won't get rejected!
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